It feels prudent
To distrust an anesthesiologist
Imagine
the gall of a human
Who can obliterate pain
I couldn’t tell you
The name of the first
But I could tell
He was fucking everyone but his wife
Unclench your fist, he barked at me
Or I’ll get the board
The man would knock a cake pop
From a toddler’s fist
(The nurses searched fruitlessly for
Coy veins buried beneath
Skin, pale as roots)
Get the goddamn board, I growled
The shine of civility
Wiped clean from me
Another’s eyes
Roamed my body
As my daughter sobbed in my arms
He looked past her, pointed at my tattoo
Harry Potter? he guessed, idiotically
I could feel the bizarre taffy pull of his flirtation
The absurdity of being sexualized while holding a crying child
Rage and disbelief
Thrummed in my temple
Only the one
Whose medicine lived in her voice
laid velvet on my cheeks
Would cast light
In my darkest hour
She quietly peeled back
the thin layers of my perception
Until I was merely
Pattering heart
Trilling breath
Trembling,
I laid the marionette strings in her hands
And let her
Sing my insides to sleep